Now with T-grip!

Why the T-grip handle?  Because it's only about 11" tall and if you use it for one of those moments when you really need it you'd better have a good grip cause your hands will be dripping with diarrhea.

WHO WOULD MAKE A SHORTER PLUNGER!!??

Maybe this is a product aimed at those of us that don't find sucking shit out of tubes to be intimate enough.  A little something for that massive contingent of folks that want to unclog toilets but just wish they could bend over a little further to do it.  Something for that customer that has enough room between the crapper and the wall but with such low ceiling clearance that a standard height plunger is a hassle to maneuver. Who can figure out all those angles?


I have a confession to make...
It's a sink plunger, but you know someone is going to use this for the toitey.
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Hey idiot

You're going about this is a seemingly ass backwards sort of way

If you're going to be weird and stupid you should first make sure that I'm not lurking nearby.
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Simple Pleasures

When I'm watching a movie and I see the clip that was used as DVD cover art.
That's the best.
What an accomplishment.
What an astute observer I am.

Then, another hour into the movie, there's another clip.
Or maybe that's it... ehh I don't care.

She won't listen, and there's nothing i can do about it.

 

No neck, no ears.

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Really?

I saw a commercial today.  Oh boy.
Rarely do I have the urge to find the nearest Thirtysomething cracker, bash their head into Bone Chip Pudding, and scream at the mess, but this was one of them days.  Fortunately for "whitey" I never leave my house, and if I did I would find only Mexicans.

The commercial goes like this:
A man video taping his wife's cunty kitchen behavior notices that there's an ice cream cake on the counter.  He then proceeds to walk over, stick his hand directly into the cake, take a giant handful, and start to eat it.  As we've learned from t.v. men are fucking retarded and just grab cold ice cream with their bare hands or put entire avocados into the blender hoping it will become souper bole (don't wanna get sued) guacamole.
He turns around to see his wife standing there holding a knife, and she quips, "really!?"

Ugh.

First, you dick, who the fuck would do that?
Second, would that really be your response to this dumbfuck ruining your cake, lady?  Really?
I'd be screaming something more along the lines of, "I'm stabbing you right now! and I'm not sorry!"

If you're using "really" as a punchline, fuck yourself.  Fuck yourself in the ass with a baby grizzly bear and rub your body with Africanized bee honey.  When you're done sliding that sticky baby bear in and out of your gaping malebox, if the mother bear hasn't cracked open your skull to reveal the quivering black mass that you call a brain, just do me this one favor ( because I'll be honest, at this point you've cheated death to a pretty awesome degree and I'm impressed) so I'll just ask is that you stop.  It's mildly annoying.

Dawn of the Dead

What is this?

You: A picture of Costco?  Thanks asshole.
Me:  It's not just a picture of a Costco...
You: I think you're handsome like a wolf. 
Me: Thanks, bitch.  If you interrupt me again I'll stab you in the forehead with a wet/dry vacuum.  It's not only a Costco, but it's the ground floor of a condo building.


Condos suck.
I wouldn't buy a condo.  
I'm not going to pay a mortgage,  property taxes, and HOA fees to live in a fucking apartment.  Are you nuts?
 Don't get all mad condo boy, you live in an apartment and it's bleeding you dry.  You're STILL trying to paint a fucking accent wall and get stainless steel appliances.  A white fridge will chill your Zima just the same. *timely reference of the month*

As if condos weren't shitty enough in the first place, here come the retail.  Are we really beginning to live INSIDE of the fucking mall?  Maybe Dawn of the Dead was a little more poignant than we'd realized.
Do you really want to live above a Chipotle?  At least it won't be too hot.  Ya know, cuz the meat never is.

WHY WOULD YOU BUYYYYY PROPERTY OVER A QUIZNOS?