I like a lot of nerdy things. I like Battlestar Galactica for clam's sake. I even wrote a theme song for it ...shut up. The dorkdom on which I'm about to unleash my atomic dickslap is beyond that of writing limericks, yo-yo competitions, and even combing the beach with metal detectors. This is, of course, the current obsession with Rube Goldberg devices.
I went online recently and saw a lot of shit saying things like "new ok go video is amazing," "awesome music video," and several other way-to-impressed sounding posts overusing "amazing" and "awesome" so I, naturally, was a little intrigued/engorged (tumescence unrelated). After all, they've been known to be inventive with their videos, so who am I to be all smart and not click the link?
Summary: It's a video (for shitty song that would otherwise get ZERO attention) with a Rube Goldberg device that... rubes for the duration.
"OMG, it was all done in one shot!"
Yeah, so was the Spice Girls video for "Wannabe."
Ok Go and their assbutt director should "zigazig ha" themselves in the ass with a HIV dipped electric chainsaw.
After the 3rd ball rolled down something and pushed something into something else I started looking at my watch.
(Confession: I wasn't actually wearing a watch. I just started staring at the freakishly long, blonde, silky hair growing out of my wrist.)
This shit isn't interesting. I had Mouse Trap when I was a kid too, and guess what.. it held my attention for about a half hour before I chucked into the flames of hell. "Say hello to Kennedy for me, creepy nude monochromatic plastic bathing man!"
A Rube Goldberg device is the only thing that you don't know exactly what's going to happen next, but still, you're NEVER surprised. Even if you are surprised you don't give a fuck. Why? Because you're a person of substance, which explains your passing interest in this blog.
Ooh, look that thing rolled down that thing and bumped into that other thing, which in turn... KILL ME! FUCKING KILL ME! I GIVE UP, YOU WIN. LET ME DIE!
So, what's the payoff for this striptease of dorkfuck?
*drum roll*
They get shot in the face with paint.
Try to calm down, please ma'am you're going to hyperventilate.
How do they come up with this stuff?
They get show with water based paint in the face...
I could think of 50-500 million things I'd like to see Ok Go get shot in the face with instead.
Twit
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
My Pozole Recipe
Here's what my family calls "pozole." I don't care if it's what you're used to, it's what I've got, man.
Category: Soup
Ethnicity: gardener
Spice level: albino
Ingredients:
1 5-6 lb roaster/fryer chicken
2 lbs pork neck-bone
2 28oz cans white hominy
1 28oz can mild enchilada sauce (or homemade)
Celery chopped
Carrot chopped
Onion quatered
Garlic
Dried herbs (mex oragano etc)
Accouterments:
Diced red onion
Cabbage strips
Lemon
Cilantro
Instructions:
1. Clean and butcher the chicken. Place into stock pot along with coarsely chopped onion, celery, and carrot. Toss in a few garlic cloves (skin on) and what ever herbs you like in a tea sack. Add a few heavy pinches of salt and fill with cold, non-malaria infested water (important) till covering the chicken.
2. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low and let simmer about 45mins, till the chicken is done.
3. While the chicken is simmering away take out your pork necks. Put them in a separate pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil and do that for 10-15 mins. Take them out and rinse off all of that filth. You'll be eating filth free soup. You can thank me later.
45mins have time-lapsed.
5. The chicken should be cooked at this point. Go a head and check it out. Remove all of the chicken parts and set on an old album cover (I'm thinking Rush or Syknyrd) and let it cool of a while. Ha! Your album is ruined. You should have used a plate like a normal person.
Now toss the scum-free neck bones into the soup. These are going to simmer for about 90mins.
6. While those necks are simmering check to see if your chicken is cool enough to rest your dick on. (if you're female go flag down a dick in the street, it's the only way I know) If it is, you're ready to strip off all of that chicken meat and chop it to desired size and shape. Don't get fancy, it's annoying. So, do that, and put the meat into a bowl where it can sit undisturbed by your human living.
*optional*
take the stripped chicken bones and bust them open, crack them in half, chop their asses and add them back to the soup with the pork. While that pork is simmering you can give your soup even more body with all that chicken bone goo.
Have the 90 mins passed? No? Then go read something and say nice things about the thing your read. I suggest this blog. You're already here and it's really good too. My twitter is the only other choice. Read anything else and your soup will turn to horse diarrhea.
7. Now the 90mins of pork simmering have passed. Grab your favorite tongs and, with a pinching action, use those tongs to remove a piece of neck bone. Jam a fork into a meaty part and twist. The meat should offer very little resistance. I call this "tender." Pull the pork out and let it cool off a bit. Did you know that pigs can read and cry?
8. When the pork has settled down a bit and will allow you to touch it, you can start hacking the meat offa those bones. Ignore the ghostly squeals there's no turning back now. Add all of that pork to the bowl of now cold and admittedly unappealing chicken meat.
What now?
9. Strain the fucking broth!
After straining, take a minute to appreciate the beautiful broth you've made. Take a taste. Because what you're about to do to it is going to feel and be sorta wrong.
Assuming that you've figured a few things out on your own, your stock pot is empty and rinsed. Your broth is in a large vessel and you've got a bowl of boiled meat and a couple cans of rinsed and ready hominy.
10. Make all of those things be in the same thing now. I don't care how you do it or in what order. Just make it happen. I prefer to add the meat and hominy to the original pot and then add the broth after. It's less splashy that way. You don't mind a little splash? It's your blouse, dude.
11. Open the can of enchilada sauce with a device that supports that action. I use a military p1 can opening implement. It makes me feel rugged. As if I were in the wilderness and wanted a nice thirst eliminating chug of tepid enchilada sauce, no prob.
Add about 3/4 of the can. Taste. Add more if ya like, I don't give a shit.
I usually use the whole thing. Some brands are spicier than others. Let the soup boil away until the raw flaover of the chili sauce is gone. It doesn't take long. You taste. You figure out.
Now, unlike before, you have soup to eat. Congratulations.
Just take your prettiest kitchen spoon, and ladle some soup into your favorite hollowed skull of a vanquished foe.
Grasp lemon and make squirt into soup. Sprinkle onion, cabbage, and cilantro.
Admire your soup. You don't even have to taste it, because you know it's good.
Now go to sleep, you've had quite a day.
Category: Soup
Ethnicity: gardener
Spice level: albino
Ingredients:
1 5-6 lb roaster/fryer chicken
2 lbs pork neck-bone
2 28oz cans white hominy
1 28oz can mild enchilada sauce (or homemade)
Celery chopped
Carrot chopped
Onion quatered
Garlic
Dried herbs (mex oragano etc)
Accouterments:
Diced red onion
Cabbage strips
Lemon
Cilantro
Instructions:
1. Clean and butcher the chicken. Place into stock pot along with coarsely chopped onion, celery, and carrot. Toss in a few garlic cloves (skin on) and what ever herbs you like in a tea sack. Add a few heavy pinches of salt and fill with cold, non-malaria infested water (important) till covering the chicken.
2. Bring to a boil and reduce heat to low and let simmer about 45mins, till the chicken is done.
3. While the chicken is simmering away take out your pork necks. Put them in a separate pot and cover with water. Bring to a boil and do that for 10-15 mins. Take them out and rinse off all of that filth. You'll be eating filth free soup. You can thank me later.
45mins have time-lapsed.
5. The chicken should be cooked at this point. Go a head and check it out. Remove all of the chicken parts and set on an old album cover (I'm thinking Rush or Syknyrd) and let it cool of a while. Ha! Your album is ruined. You should have used a plate like a normal person.
Now toss the scum-free neck bones into the soup. These are going to simmer for about 90mins.
6. While those necks are simmering check to see if your chicken is cool enough to rest your dick on. (if you're female go flag down a dick in the street, it's the only way I know) If it is, you're ready to strip off all of that chicken meat and chop it to desired size and shape. Don't get fancy, it's annoying. So, do that, and put the meat into a bowl where it can sit undisturbed by your human living.
*optional*
take the stripped chicken bones and bust them open, crack them in half, chop their asses and add them back to the soup with the pork. While that pork is simmering you can give your soup even more body with all that chicken bone goo.
Have the 90 mins passed? No? Then go read something and say nice things about the thing your read. I suggest this blog. You're already here and it's really good too. My twitter is the only other choice. Read anything else and your soup will turn to horse diarrhea.
7. Now the 90mins of pork simmering have passed. Grab your favorite tongs and, with a pinching action, use those tongs to remove a piece of neck bone. Jam a fork into a meaty part and twist. The meat should offer very little resistance. I call this "tender." Pull the pork out and let it cool off a bit. Did you know that pigs can read and cry?
8. When the pork has settled down a bit and will allow you to touch it, you can start hacking the meat offa those bones. Ignore the ghostly squeals there's no turning back now. Add all of that pork to the bowl of now cold and admittedly unappealing chicken meat.
What now?
9. Strain the fucking broth!
After straining, take a minute to appreciate the beautiful broth you've made. Take a taste. Because what you're about to do to it is going to feel and be sorta wrong.
Assuming that you've figured a few things out on your own, your stock pot is empty and rinsed. Your broth is in a large vessel and you've got a bowl of boiled meat and a couple cans of rinsed and ready hominy.
10. Make all of those things be in the same thing now. I don't care how you do it or in what order. Just make it happen. I prefer to add the meat and hominy to the original pot and then add the broth after. It's less splashy that way. You don't mind a little splash? It's your blouse, dude.
11. Open the can of enchilada sauce with a device that supports that action. I use a military p1 can opening implement. It makes me feel rugged. As if I were in the wilderness and wanted a nice thirst eliminating chug of tepid enchilada sauce, no prob.
Add about 3/4 of the can. Taste. Add more if ya like, I don't give a shit.
I usually use the whole thing. Some brands are spicier than others. Let the soup boil away until the raw flaover of the chili sauce is gone. It doesn't take long. You taste. You figure out.
Now, unlike before, you have soup to eat. Congratulations.
Just take your prettiest kitchen spoon, and ladle some soup into your favorite hollowed skull of a vanquished foe.
Grasp lemon and make squirt into soup. Sprinkle onion, cabbage, and cilantro.
Admire your soup. You don't even have to taste it, because you know it's good.
Now go to sleep, you've had quite a day.
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